So, you�re a guy and you want to meet chicks. Well actually you want to do a bit more than that � but first things first. The mistake most blokes make is going to clubs and pubs in search of nookie. Bad move! There�s far too much competition � and the other guys are better looking, better hung and drive better cars than you. So let�s face it there�s more chance of your granny winning the sex olympics that there is of you scoring at the pub. Here�s a list of places where it�s easier for Lazy Sods to find willing chicks:

Cyberspace: Chat Rooms are brilliant places to find totty! You can create a profile that makes you sound rich, dynamic and exciting. You can load photos of a sexy male model and tell everyone that it�s you. And the greatest part of this deception is that everyone does it, so when you meet for real, she won�t complain, for she will be dull, fat and ugly � just like you.

Funeral Parlours: Her husband has just passed away so she�s all alone in the world and feeling vulnerable. Time to move in! Put your arm around her in a comforting sort of way and say softly, �I�m sorry to hear about your loss. It must be hard getting no sex � you must be gagging for it. Come to my place after the funeral and I�ll show you what you�re missing.� This subtle approach always works and often leads to marriage. A word of caution � if the husband died under suspicious circumstances, don�t eat anything she cooks.

Brothels: Even the scruffiest, Lazy Sod can usually get a leg over in a brothel. Simply turn up, pay the money and select from the range of old hags on offer. As these mouldy-oldies will remind you of your granny, you will want to shoot your load quickly then get the hell out of the place. All that�s left to be done is to arrange a trip to the VD Clinic for another doze of penicillin.